Platforms and Cadillacs

I wrote this posting down in rough on a note pad and was attempting to type it onto my blog whilst cooking dinner. I'm not a fast typist, so when K came in and offered to type it for me, of course I took him up on his offer.


Luckily I have had a quick read through before publishing and I see that he's added a few little comments. I've decided to leave them in as he doesn't often show much interest in my blog!


By the way, Steve is an ex from a very long time ago!...and he's a good friend of mine and K's too!...and his cars are very cool!!!! :-)


I sat down and tried to decide what to write a new post about.


I looked back over the past week for inspiration.


I could write a serious post about the two car bombs found in central London but I don't really want to dwell on that too much. K works in central London quite a lot and only this past week, he was in Euston and Pall Mall.


So I'm not going to think about things that could happen because thank God (....??? - K), they haven't.


I could have written about my lovely Mum. She celebrated her 65th birthday yesterday - but I don't really want to do that without talking to her first.


Then there's the three youngest kids - always entertaining but I imagine too many posts about them just gets a bit tedious to anyone other than myself.


So I've decided on a post about Rose and the Renegade.


I've always encouraged my kids to be individuals, know their own minds and not necessarily follow the crowd.


I'm proud to say that both Rose and the Renegade have grown into very individual young adults.


They don't follow the latest fashions, unless of course they like them and don't seem to mind being thought of as a 'bit different'.


This to my mind, is admirable and seems to be considered very cool by their friends. I'm sure they are both secretly chuffed about this, although they would never admit it!.....because no matter how individual one likes to be, the approval of those who matter to you is always nice.


At 16/17, I liked to think of myself as an individual and a bit of a rebel (if John G is reading....yeah I know, Rebel Without a Clue!! :-) ) but it's strange that now, as an adult (questionable), although I am very single minded and like to think I am very much my own person (after the brief blip during my first marriage!), I don't like to be too different from others in my circle.....which incidentally is quite a small circle.....nearly just a dot really.


As it is, in a group of people that I should feel fairly comfortable with ie. playgroup, school mums etc., I still manage to feel like a bit of a misfit which leaves me feeling slightly uncomfortable and I rush to be amongst people who know me well enough not to judge me (hopefully!)


Is this being a misfit, a social outcast or just me lacking in confidence?....not sure. Maybe all three!! (......sounds more like total & absolute paranoia ..... jeez! - K)


Anyway, I digress......back to Rose and Renegade (...finally...(me again!!))


This time last year was Roses school prom and last night it was the Renegade's turn.


GCSE's taken and forgotten about for a while, all the year 11 students have the chance to dress up and spend the evening with their peers at 'The Chase' - a quite posh hotel in nearby Ross-on Wye.


As we all know, traditionally the girls get to dress like a princess (or at least upper class posh girls!) and the lads like young princes (or at least upper class posh boys!)


......Not my kids.......


Last year to her prom, Rose wore a very retro looking 40's style teal-coloured dress with black patent, very high platform dominatrix style shoes - all found by Rose on the Internet - it worked fabulously and she looked stunning!

She and her partner travelled to The Chase in my friend Steve's (......an ex!! - K) beat up old black 40's Cadillac (some panels still sprayed with just primer!), which I thought was very cool (...hmmm! - K).


Friday night the Renegade left here for his Prom in new black skinny-leg jeans, black leather belt with a big white metal buckle, black skinny-fit t-shirt and waistcoat, white 'Style Nation' shoes and a white rosary.


He looked great I thought and on both occasions I had that lump in my throat that immensely proud Mums always get!

Btw, he was given a certificate for having the 'craziest hair'. It used to be alot longer but he had it cut and is now growing it again. He bears a striking resemblance to Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons, apart from the fact his hair is brown not orange! Lol!:)


I wonder how our 3 younger kids will look when it's their turn.


Of course, one or two of them, maybe even three could turn out to be quite conventional - who knows, but I can only hope that they make me as proud as their older brother and sister have. I'm sure they will! :-)

I've added these photos taken today just because i like them and this post has turned into a bit of an opportunity to show off my beautiful kids! :D


The Artist


Smiler

Perfectionist



Rose

TLC

I will be a bit rubbish at keeping up with everybodys posts for the next few days.
Perfectionist now has chicken pox which she caught from Smiler. She also has conjunctivitis and a nasty cough to boot!:(
Poor tiny, spotty little girly, she needs lots of tlc so....................inabit.

Teeth, rice and Jonothan Ross

I'm writing this on paper on Friday evening, ready to type onto my blog tomorrow.

It's been a hectic day and I really can't be arsed to turn the computer on...Also, Jonothan Ross is on in half an hour so I need to get settled on the sofa with my Friday night snacks!

I'll start at the beginning..........................................................

5.40am.- Perfectionist staggers in to our bedroom and climbs into bed.

Unusually, Smiler is still asleep in his cot in their room. Probably because he didn't settle down until 10.30pm.last night!

K and I try to continue dozing in the limited space we are left with. Perfectionist, although tiny, (still wearing clothes for age 18 months at the age of 3) manages to hog nearly the whole bed by sleeping star-shaped!


6.15.- Alarm goes off. Snooze button is pressed. I'm still knackered from my gym session last night.
6.30.- Artist staggers in and wedges herself between me and K.
6.32.- Artist and Perfectionist start shouting at eachother about not having enough duvet.
6.35.- K marches both girls out of our room, warning them to find something to do and to not wake Smiler up!
6.40.- Lots of shouting, laughing and running around, getting louder and louder, very quickly.
6.45.- The girls are ordered to go downstairs and play. Noise and running around like maniacs continues downstairs.

We spend the next 10 minutes calling out to them "calm down, someone will end up crying!" etc,etc.

"MUMMY IT REALLY HURTS!" shouts Artist.
"What have you done?"
"Banged my head!"
"Oh never mind, you'll be ok"
"No it really hurts!!"
"Oh Artist, stop being such a drama queen!!"...This sounds awfully uncaring,I know but Artist can be a right drama-queen, as can most 7 year old girls!
"Oww, it really hurts though" she insists.
"Well come here and let me see"

Artist comes into our room. I peel my head up from the pillow and peer through bleary eyes..............


"Oh god K, she's cut her head open!"


7.20am.- K takes Artist to the local country hospital to have her head glued together. They arrive home about an hour later. Artist is feeling a bit sorry for herself but insists she wants to go to school. She loves school anyway but it was the annual school fun-run today so even more reason for her wanting to go!


They both eat some breakfast, get their necessary bits and bobs together and K leaves with Artist to drop her off at school on his way to work.


I get on with the usual stuff then at 11.20 suddenly remember that the plan today was to meet K at his office at 12.15 and then go on to the dentist together. Mum was to collect Artist from school.


My appointment was to see the hygienist and then the dentist, for a replacement filling and a WISDOM TOOTH-EXTRACTION!!!!!! The appointment was for 12.40.


I needed to leave at 11.40 latest, to stand any chance of meeting K at 12.15.



I am now the one running around like a maniac, throwing everything I need for Smiler and Perfectionist into a bag, check they don't have too much breakfast on their clothes, make Perfectionist have a wee, change Smilers nappy, brush my teeth again,grab kids and car keys and leg it out of the house.


It's always the bloody same when you're in a hurry isn't it?!!

The drive from our house to K's office is a pretty straightforward 40 minute drive with the national speed limit applying for virtually the whole journey.

I ONCE AGAIN get stuck behind some wind-up merchant driving at 25/30 mph.

I admit, I do get quite bad road-rage and often feel like stabbing people when this happens but really! - 25 mph on a main road for 15 miles and busy traffic travelling in the opposite direction so no chance of overtaking safely!!!

Aaaaargh!!!!!

Anyway, I eventually manage to actually get past the f****** a******* and arrive at the office.

We finally get to the Dentist, apologise for being late, blah blah blah...............


I sit in the torture chair, get sorted, we hand over a ridiculous amount of money and then leave to find a decent cafe/restaurant to get some lunch.


Of course my face is totally numb after 3 injections and I look as if I've had a stroke (which I know isn't funny but that is what I looked like)....but I'm starving so off we go.


I spend an hour and a half in 'Melanies' trying to eat a balti chicken curry with rice, naan bread and tsatsiki dip.


I had grains of basmati stuck all over my chin and curry dribbling down it. Attractive.


I also had quite alot of rice stuck inside my bottom lip which I couldn't fish out with my tongue due to the numbness.


I could sense the looks I was getting.


I've seen them before.

I used to be a key/care-worker for adults with severe learning disabilities and mental health issues. I have certificates to prove it.....one qualifies me to administer rectal-diazepam! Yay!


We left.

K, Perfectionist and Smiler all happy, with full stomachs.

Me unhappy with a full mouth.

Full of rice and soggy naan bread.

Not teeth.


We eventually get home at 6.30 after collecting Artist from my parents house on the way.


Animals and kids all fed and kids in bed by 8.30/9pm.


Aaaaah..........Time to sit down,relax, pig-out on crisps and chocolate and watch Jonothan Ross.


Happy weekend everybody!:)

Into Perspective

Bloody hell. Now I kind of regret publishing that last post.



I've just been sat, feeding Smiler and something came on the t.v. that made it all seem so trivial.



The man who Philip Schofield and Fern Britton (I love Fern!) were interviewing, was talking with inderstandable difficulty, about his horrendously bad childhood. Starved, terribly physically abused from a very young age and sexually abused from the age of 5.



I know, as we all do that shit happens but when you see someone struggling with such bad memories it really does put your own stuff into perspective.



Why do there have to be SO MANY awful people in this world and WHY are so many children victims of them?



So often I resolve to not dwell on these atrocities and I manage to keep my resolve........until I hear of yet more.



Sometimes it's hard to accept that the human race can be so cruel.



Sorry to be so depressing.



So much for my next post being light-hearted and funny!



Next time, I promise.......Well, maybe not funny but definitely not depressing!

Travellers and Treadmills

Smilers chicken pox.

Ah yes......The Thursday Night Gym Sessions.

Well, I managed over an hour of exercise and not a single Paramedic in sight at the end of it.

Result! :)

One of the exercises written into my programme involves laying on my back with my knees over a large ball and lifting the ball using my legs.It's to strengthen the stomach muscles which is great but the problem I have is keeping hold of the ball.

You see, I have legs the same length as your average nine year old which of course, makes this exercise a bit difficult as the ball really is quite large.

"Everytime I lift my legs up it falls out!" I cried, rather too loudly.

Silence......Everyone turns to stare.

Rosie, who was sitting next to me looks mortified.

Many laughed...I laughed...Rosie laughed too, to mask her embarrassment probably.

Well-it's one of the benefits of having teenage children-they are SO easy to embarrass.

My crazy Mum was amazing as ever, like a Duracell battery, she just kept going.Well done Mum!

Her fitness is undoubtedly helped by the fact that she not only eats very healthily but is also very active.

As my late Grandad used to say- "Even when she's sat down her arse is making buttons."

The thing is, my Mum and Dad are 'Old Age Travellers'

Every few weeks they pack up their walking boots, camera and journal, throw them into their Camper-Van or Motorhome as they prefer to call it and head for the open road.

They drive off to somewhere in the country, often the Cornwall coast line, park up and spend the next week or so walking on average 20 miles a day!

This is fab I reckon as it keeps them both fit and healthy.

I'm dead proud of them both-They're more like a couple in their 20's rather than 65 and 68 respectively.

Dad always makes sure there is a good pub nearby, selling a decent pint of real Ale which helps to make the breaks even more enjoyable!

So well done again Mum-if I'm as energetic as you when I get to 65 I will be well chuffed!

Chicken Pox update - Smilers spots are crusty so he's no longer contagious, he can ditch the bell.

He's definitely alot happier!

Busy weekend ahead -

Artists swimming lesson was this evening.

Artists Gym competition is tomorrow morning - which means no ballet with Sally's Tinkerbell Mushroom.

Collecting kittens tomorrow lunchtime-ish.

Fathers Day shopping tomorrow pm.

Fathers Day visiting on Sunday. (Mine and K's Dad)

Also have to fit in homework help, school uniform-washing etc,etc.

Ah well - when all the kids have grown up and left home maybe we will have quiet, relaxed weekends......

We will be in our 60's......perhaps we'll invest in a Camper-Van! :D

Tagged!

Akelamalu tagged me! I have to list eight random facts about myself so here they are.

1) I didn't like carrots until I was Forty.
2) I lived in Malta, briefly as a child.
3) My lucky number is thirteen.
4) I drink on average two big pots of tea per day.
5) I'm phobic about toilets -(germs)
6) I've had sixteen pregnancies.
7) I'm only 4ft 11.5in.
8) I can only have the sky t.v. volume on 11,13 or 16.
9) I'm blood group A rhesus negative.

Whoopsie!.............that's 9!!!!

I'm not sure about tagging others but if anyone reading wants to do this too,that would be good.:)

HASSLE

We had to go to Letchworth Garden City to collect a steam press K bought off ebay.

He insisted it would be a help with the rather large amount of ironing we always have.

I don't mean to sound unappreciative as I know he is trying to help but I'm not convinced it is worth having one. I think it will be another thing that will just get in the way and it seemed rather a long way to go!

He had arranged for us to collect it at 12.30.

Renegade would not be gracing us with his presence - being a 16 year old boy he avoids family outings wherever possible. Rose was working and since moving out earlier this year tends not to spend an awful lot of time with us at weekends anyway so it was just the five of us who were to go on the trip to Letchworth.

K, Me, the Artist, Perfectionist and Smiler who incidently has chicken-pox. I discovered the spots Saturday morning.

So..........................................

9.30am.

All youngest children were washed,dressed and breakfasted. The girls were playing in the garden and Smiler was bumbling about on the floor while I tried to get organised for getting out of the door at 10 O'clock.

Check:-

Changing bag containing nappies,wipes,cream,teething-granules,his drink,bib,jar of Hipp,a fruit-pot,a spoon,spare shorts and t-shirt.

Another bag containing sun-cream,sun-hats,girls drinks,colouring books,story books and crayons.

My bag containing purse,sunglasses,mobile,c.d's,notebook and pen.

10am.

Me - "K, where's Artist - aren't we supposed to be going now?"

K - "Yeah - I said she could play out the front on her bike until we go"

I go to the front door and call her. No reply. I go up the steps and have a quick scan around. She's not there but hers and Perfectionists bikes are lying over the road. I go and collect them,bring them down the steps and go around to the back garden to find both Artist and Perfectionist with all 5 guinea-pigs out in the run. I ask them to put the pigs back in their hutch then come inside,wash their hands and change their shoes.

I go back inside to gather up packed bags, get Smiler and put his sandals on.

He's busy eating the tissue out of the shoe-box K discarded yesterday on returning from a shopping trip. I remove all the soggy tissue from his mouth then gather up all the remaining tissue which is scattered throughout the dining room and kitchen.

This done, I go into the lounge to grab a few toys to throw in the car for him and realise it looks as if a bombs hit it so I have a tidy up,throwing toys into toybox and books into bookcase at lightning speed then return to the kitchen to get Smiler.

He's emptied one of the kitchen cupboards. There is an assortment of cereal packets,herbs and spice jars,and bottles of beer all over the floor. I clear all this away, round up the kids and take them and packed bags out to the car.

Meanwhile K is on the computer looking for the address of where we are supposed to be at 12.30..... Totally oblivious of the chaos........................

10.38

Kids are in the car, seated and belted.

No sign of K yet.

I give Perfectionist her colouring book and crayons.

Artist -"That's mine Mummy, why are you giving it to Perfectionist? it's mine!"

"No it's not, yours is dot-to-dot, this is just colouring"

"Can I have my dot-to-dot please?"

I go back to the house to search for requested book,turfing out all the books from previously tidied bookcase. I also grab Artists school reading book, remembering she has not yet read it to me and tomorrow is Monday. I also grab a cereal bar on my way out as I hadn't had time for breakfast.

Back in the car..............we were all in and ready.

Artist in the back and Perfectionist in the middle with Smiler. We can't put the girls together in the car without them arguing non-stop so these are the required seating arrangements for long journeys!

We drive away from our house. The time is now 11am.

Lynyrd Skynyrd is blaring out of the c.d player.

"Do we have to listen to this?" I say to K.

"Change it if you want but don't put Regina bloody Spektor on, she gets on my nerves" K replies.

I put on the new MSP. album. It reminds me of one of their early albums K and I used to listen to years ago.........I sit back to relax,enjoy and reminisce.

My peace is soon shattered...."I haven't got my sunglasses!" cries Perfectionist. They are new and she loves them. It's the end of the world.

The next ten minutes is spent convincing her that she won't need them.

Fínally we have calm.

Artist is happily gazing at the scenery, Perfectionist is asleep and Smiler is happily babbling .

I sit back and listen to Pearl Jam, enjoying listening to Eddie Vedders poetic angst, fantasise that he is singing about me being the sun in his sky and zone out for a while.

12 noon and already we have to stop.

K is fine riding a motorbike but get him behind the wheel and it's not long before the boredom of driving starts to have a soporific affect for him.

I've left my prescription glasses at home so I can't take over the driving.

We pull in at the first services.

K disappears,returning five minutes later with sustenance for all. Two big Coffee-Nations for us and fruit pastilles for the girls.

I allow sweets occasionally and long car journeys qualify as one of these occasions.

Half an hour later I am regretting it......The effects of the sweets have kicked in.

The words poo,bum,willy and bogey become the main content of their vocabulary.
It's preferable to them arguing and they are happy so I turn a deaf ear and flirt outrageously with a biker riding in the inside lane to my left.

I instinctively look at bikes when I see them but even more reason to look at this one. It was straddled by a very attractive rider!!

He soon caught on and we stuck either in front,behind or alongside him for a while. K was quite happy to play the game,informing me that he does the same if he ever happens to "clock a tidy bird in a car, giving me the eye!"

Hmmm...mental note to try and get out on the bike with him more often.

12.35pm

I need a wee.

We are on the M1 Northampton. No signs for services. Oh dear...my ability to hold on is not as good as it used to be.....unsurprisingly having had five kids!

I try to ignore it, glad we are on a smooth motorway rather than a bumpy A-road full of pot-holes.

Shouldn't have had that huge Coffee-Nation....serves me right!

I wonder,briefly, whether I could actually wee in the potty (which we keep in the car for Perfectionist,just incase) as we are going along but realise that would not only be extremely dangerous,a bit embarassing,against the law and potentially messy but also that Artist would definately tell all her class mates and Teacher all about it so I quickly put the idea out of my mind,cross my legs and concentrate on playing my game of making up three-word phrases using the letters from car reg.plates. Yeah, sad I know but simple things......................

WPA...wet pants ahead....oh dear.....

ULO....unavoidable leakage occuring...............Decide not to play that anymore and sit back to enjoy the fact that all kids are snoozing soundly and sing along to The James Gang belting out Funk#49.

Both K and I are singing along, thinking we're pretty cool..............luckily Renegade isn't there to put us right!!!

1.05pm.

We are lost on an A-road.

K tries to find another point in the car to plug the sat-nav into,hoping that it is just the front plug-in point that is faulty and not the actual machine.

He finds one next to Artists seat. It has a fruit-pastille stuffed into it.

We fish it out with one of my earings. Underneath the sweet is a penny.

K eventually manages to get it out using the earing and two crayons!

He plugs in the sat-nav. It doesn't work.

Half an hour later after trying all other plug-in-points and swearing alot K gives up. Eventually ,I convince him it would be a good idea to ring the seller and ask for directions.

What is it about men that prevents them from admitting to other men that they are lost?......................................................

2.10pm.

We finally arrive at our destination. One hour and forty minutes and a lot of wrong turnings late.

So far the kids have all been complete stars. Perfectionist is fast asleep, Artist is happily chatting about what she sees out of the window and Smiler is still babbling contentedly.

K returns to the car after a five minutes with the steam-press. I bite my tongue, preventing myself from saying how I never really wanted the damn thing in the first place and off we go to find the motorway heading home.

First stop - Services.

The original plan was to find a nice country pub to stop for lunch but it was getting too late for that now so the services would have to do.....the kids were all hungry and my need for the loo had returned with a vengeance!

4.30pm.

We leave the services having eaten some predictably tasteless and outrageously priced food and visiting the loos.We head home at last.

The girls are happy...fed,watered and rewarded for their good behaviour with comics. Smiler is his usual contented smiley self and K seems happy despite using a large amount of diesel on our unexpected mystery tour of the countryside. I am also happy having at last had a wee.

The rest of the journey passed without incident,listening to James Blunt.......Yes I know it is fasionable to hate J.B. but K and I went to see him at Blenheim Palace last year and he was brilliant!

There was a brief bout of crying from Smiler due to teething pain and we did stop for half an hour or so for me to feed him and for the girls to stretch their legs but that was it until we finally arrive home at 7.30pm.

A small supper eaten, bathed and hair washed, all kids were tucked up in bed by 8.30.

What a very long day.

All for a bloody steam-press I didn't really want!

It had better be worth the hassle. Somehow I doubt it will be!!!

By the way, I'm going to ban K from going on ebay.

He sold a friends framed picture of football cards for him.

He sold it for 99p, adding £4.75 for postage.

He then realised the buyer lived in Northern Ireland so it cost £7.50 to send it!!!!

Cats,Dogs and workouts.

We were pleased to find a robin nesting in our garden shed a few weeks ago.
She was given peace and quiet to care for her eggs....even the Artist and Perfectionist left it alone,staying out of the shed and leaving their bikes,scooters etc. outside so as not to disturb the nesting Mum.
I had to explain to them why we wouldn't be able to keep them as pets as Artist is a total animal lover. From elephants to ants....she loves them all.
Unfortunately I haven't seen the robin for a while now and it seems she has abandoned her nest.
I'm not very knowledgeable of nesting birds so if anyone reading this is,I would be interested to know of any possible reasons for her having left.

On the subject of animals.............................

K and I have finally come to an agreement over a difference we have had for some time. K is a dog person. I am a cat person.

Eric,our british bulldog died last year. I would like to have pet cats again but on mentioning this to K he - VERY childishly I feel, said "Yeah,of course you can have cats as long as I can have another bulldog." Now, it's not that I hate dogs..I don't but I do dislike their neediness and the fact that they crap everywhere - dogshit is one of my pet hates....actually it's a bit more than a pet hate...I cross the road to avoid walking past it, I find it so disgusting!!!

Eric lived in a dog-igloo in the garden. He loved it.He was a happy,healthy dog and did not suffer for not being in the house...in fact I think he was healthier for it. He lived for ten years which is a good innings for the breed. Eric was far too clumsy and smelly to live in the house - bulldogs,even after bathing only stay sweet smelling for a short time! He did have a lovely character despite being a bit 'slow' shall we say and he is missed,especially by K and the Artist. When he died we had a funeral for him. It was all very sombre as we watched K bury him at the end of the garden, behind a wall. The girls put pictures and flowers on his grave and the Artist still goes down there to chat to him occasionally!

After Erics demise I was adamant there would be no more dogs. I really disliked having to do the poo-pick-up in the garden if K was working away..................... After months of pestering I have finally relented and agreed to have another one on the condition it's a bitch (they're prettier and being female,don't keep getting their pepperami's out!!) and that K fences off the lawn so we don't have any steamers to dispose of before the kids can go out and play. We will have to wait for a while too as the breeders don't have any pups expected at the moment. Good.

I however, being quick off the mark for a change, have already secured ownership of two kittens, to be collected next weekend when they will be two months old and ready to be weaned. The girls are beside themselves with excitement and the Artist is already planning the adventures she will have with the unsuspecting felines. She has mourned the death of several guinea-pigs over the years and only this week her last remaining Triop (Trevor) died so she's relishing the thought of two little kittens to love! I'm already a little anxious about how they will survive the attentions of two little girls who compete with eachother so much........Oh well,time will tell!

I was supposed to be writing about last nights trip to the gym but I'm still recovering from the trauma of a whole hour exercising and also trying to come to terms with the fact that my Mum....25 years my senior and a fair bit heavier...left me standing!!! She was like Basil Fawlty on speed, pausing only to take a swig of water occasionally, for a whole hour, all the while wearing her navy jog-pants (which are actually crop-legged but full length on her,being only 4ft 11") and a big cheesy,slightly smug grin.

Well done Mum!....Always young at heart and not bad physically either!!! :)

I may write some more about our gym trips in the future when I'm feeling a little less miffed!!!!

Mid-life Crisis?

I did two things yesterday both of which are I think, part of my mid-life crisis.

I spent all morning at the hairdressers with Rose, having my second lot of blonde highlights in and my roots coloured.

I have been a brunette all my life.....I was born with lots of brown hair which never turned fair as a toddler, it was always dark. I've always loved being brunette and have never wanted to be blonde................until a few weeks ago.

I first started to notice a few grey hairs when I was in my early 20's. When they became obvious I just chucked on some hair-colour to hide them. I continued to do this all through my 30's but it's always been a bit of a pain in the rear-end as my hair grows so fast...and it wasn't doing it much good either.

So,what was the alternative?............I know I thought.....I'll just stop colouring it and grow old gracefully.........................Yeah right! - I lasted about 6 weeks and couldn't stand it any longer so off I went to the hairdresser for some advice.

I'd heard that if you are brunette with some grey hair and didn't want to keep colouring it dark then you had to go lighter and gradually blend the grey hair in. My hairdresser confirmed this but advised me to have the blonde put in little by little and gradually build it up whilst having my roots coloured at he same time.

Not quite as straight forward as throwing on a hair colour from the chemist!

This all made me a little anxious...................I really didn't want people to stare at me and say "Oh dear, look at that sad old bint with her blonde highlights desperately trying to look as if she's still 18" and then laugh,leaving me feeling old and humiliated.

Then the paranoia passed and I took her advice.

The first time she put a few in it took a while to get used to but I soon began to like it .

Yesterday being my second trip she added some more and I LOVE IT!!! I am converted. Brunette and grey or blonde? Oh blonde,definately darling!.............

Before you can say bimbo I'll have a bright orange spray-tan,fake boobs and nails and start wearing a thong pulled halfway up my back!

Now for more mid-life crisis stuff.

Yesterday I went to a gym for the first time in my life...........Well,first time since I was at junior school so a long time since I last did any exercise other than running up the stairs! Rose came with me.........................too scared to go on my own incase it was full of Baywatch types watching with amusement and slight pity as I struggle to complete a minute on the treadmill before collapsing in a heap of saliva, sweat and brand new trainers.

As it turned out ,it wasn't too traumatic at all.I was pleasantly surprised. I knew I wasn't grossly overweight or terribly unfit but I was a bit worried about what the assessment might reveal. Rose and I sat in the room with the manager who was to assess us, both feeling as if we were in the Headmasters office about to be told how badly we had let ourselves down but surprise,surprise(for me anyway,I knew Rose would be ok),everything was good and all within the healthy parameters.

Both happy and with our ego's suitably boosted we hurried off to the gym,full of enthusiasm.

A lovely girl, (half my age) showed us all the equipment and how to use it and then told us to try it out to see what we felt comfortable with. Next visit our personal training programmes will be ready for us but this visit was just a 'try out'.

Well,.................Laugh!!! At one point I was worried that the other, obviously more 'au fait' gym users would get annoyed with us as we were basically just laughing at eachother for the first 10 minutes. Rose is a bit feeble with her arms as she has hyper-mobility (not helped by years of dancing) and I'm a bit feeble, just because I am.

After a while we calmed down and did actually manage to do some exercise.

We both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and hope to go a couple of times a week. I really hope the novelty doesn't wear off before we see the benefits!

I WILL NOT GROW OLD GRACEFULLY

I WILL NOT TOLERATE GREY HAIR (yet)

I WILL BE AS FIT AND TONED AS A CHAMPION RACING SNAKE

This will be my mantra.

Wish me luck!!!! ;)