Teeth, rice and Jonothan Ross

I'm writing this on paper on Friday evening, ready to type onto my blog tomorrow.

It's been a hectic day and I really can't be arsed to turn the computer on...Also, Jonothan Ross is on in half an hour so I need to get settled on the sofa with my Friday night snacks!

I'll start at the beginning..........................................................

5.40am.- Perfectionist staggers in to our bedroom and climbs into bed.

Unusually, Smiler is still asleep in his cot in their room. Probably because he didn't settle down until 10.30pm.last night!

K and I try to continue dozing in the limited space we are left with. Perfectionist, although tiny, (still wearing clothes for age 18 months at the age of 3) manages to hog nearly the whole bed by sleeping star-shaped!


6.15.- Alarm goes off. Snooze button is pressed. I'm still knackered from my gym session last night.
6.30.- Artist staggers in and wedges herself between me and K.
6.32.- Artist and Perfectionist start shouting at eachother about not having enough duvet.
6.35.- K marches both girls out of our room, warning them to find something to do and to not wake Smiler up!
6.40.- Lots of shouting, laughing and running around, getting louder and louder, very quickly.
6.45.- The girls are ordered to go downstairs and play. Noise and running around like maniacs continues downstairs.

We spend the next 10 minutes calling out to them "calm down, someone will end up crying!" etc,etc.

"MUMMY IT REALLY HURTS!" shouts Artist.
"What have you done?"
"Banged my head!"
"Oh never mind, you'll be ok"
"No it really hurts!!"
"Oh Artist, stop being such a drama queen!!"...This sounds awfully uncaring,I know but Artist can be a right drama-queen, as can most 7 year old girls!
"Oww, it really hurts though" she insists.
"Well come here and let me see"

Artist comes into our room. I peel my head up from the pillow and peer through bleary eyes..............


"Oh god K, she's cut her head open!"


7.20am.- K takes Artist to the local country hospital to have her head glued together. They arrive home about an hour later. Artist is feeling a bit sorry for herself but insists she wants to go to school. She loves school anyway but it was the annual school fun-run today so even more reason for her wanting to go!


They both eat some breakfast, get their necessary bits and bobs together and K leaves with Artist to drop her off at school on his way to work.


I get on with the usual stuff then at 11.20 suddenly remember that the plan today was to meet K at his office at 12.15 and then go on to the dentist together. Mum was to collect Artist from school.


My appointment was to see the hygienist and then the dentist, for a replacement filling and a WISDOM TOOTH-EXTRACTION!!!!!! The appointment was for 12.40.


I needed to leave at 11.40 latest, to stand any chance of meeting K at 12.15.



I am now the one running around like a maniac, throwing everything I need for Smiler and Perfectionist into a bag, check they don't have too much breakfast on their clothes, make Perfectionist have a wee, change Smilers nappy, brush my teeth again,grab kids and car keys and leg it out of the house.


It's always the bloody same when you're in a hurry isn't it?!!

The drive from our house to K's office is a pretty straightforward 40 minute drive with the national speed limit applying for virtually the whole journey.

I ONCE AGAIN get stuck behind some wind-up merchant driving at 25/30 mph.

I admit, I do get quite bad road-rage and often feel like stabbing people when this happens but really! - 25 mph on a main road for 15 miles and busy traffic travelling in the opposite direction so no chance of overtaking safely!!!

Aaaaargh!!!!!

Anyway, I eventually manage to actually get past the f****** a******* and arrive at the office.

We finally get to the Dentist, apologise for being late, blah blah blah...............


I sit in the torture chair, get sorted, we hand over a ridiculous amount of money and then leave to find a decent cafe/restaurant to get some lunch.


Of course my face is totally numb after 3 injections and I look as if I've had a stroke (which I know isn't funny but that is what I looked like)....but I'm starving so off we go.


I spend an hour and a half in 'Melanies' trying to eat a balti chicken curry with rice, naan bread and tsatsiki dip.


I had grains of basmati stuck all over my chin and curry dribbling down it. Attractive.


I also had quite alot of rice stuck inside my bottom lip which I couldn't fish out with my tongue due to the numbness.


I could sense the looks I was getting.


I've seen them before.

I used to be a key/care-worker for adults with severe learning disabilities and mental health issues. I have certificates to prove it.....one qualifies me to administer rectal-diazepam! Yay!


We left.

K, Perfectionist and Smiler all happy, with full stomachs.

Me unhappy with a full mouth.

Full of rice and soggy naan bread.

Not teeth.


We eventually get home at 6.30 after collecting Artist from my parents house on the way.


Animals and kids all fed and kids in bed by 8.30/9pm.


Aaaaah..........Time to sit down,relax, pig-out on crisps and chocolate and watch Jonothan Ross.


Happy weekend everybody!:)