If only I had taken the career/rest of my life thing a bit more seriously at school.........
I've been having a confidence crisis lately.In as much as 'what the hell am I going to do when Carter starts school in Sept.2011?'
Yes I know it's quite a way off but you know how it is....once the thought is there it just keeps bugging you until you find the answer.
The thing is, I've been raising kids for very nearly nineteen years so far, with just a brief period of part-time parenting when Rosie and Jake went to live with their father.
During that time I worked as a carer for adults with learning difficulties/mental health issues, so in a way with the job and the parenting it seemed like full-time anyway.....if you know what I mean.
Before Rosie was born - actually up until three weeks before she was born, ( Rosie was made to arrive three weeks before her due date) I worked as a bordereaux assistant/trainee insurance underwriter. Insurance clerk. An odd job for me, calculating household and commercial insurance premiums, considering I am almost phobic about anything mathematical.
A bit worrying really .......but if I had grossly miscalculated any required monthly premiums they would have been discovered, surely?.....
So, before the kids came along I worked in an office, after the first two (born just fourteen months apart) I did care-work but since then all I have done is child rearing which is the most difficult job of all if done well.....which I think I do.
The problem is, having done it for so long, I feel as if my brain couldn't cope with anything different.
A very long time ago, before kids and insurance premiums, I had a couple of part-time jobs.
A shop assistant in a large department store - the name of which begins with an abbreviated girls name and ends with the plural of a kind of meat often used in a sandwich, along with cheese. Hmmm, fine but a bit dull.
A barmaid. Now that was a great job. It was in a bikers pub. Why are there no bikers pubs anymore?...Oh yes, I know, it's because all the real bikers are over forty now so they are all settled down and a bit past going out on the p*** all weekend!
I loved working there. It was in the cellars of an old warehouse at the local city docks. Dark, smokey and perfect for loud, often live music.
Oh and there were lots of long haired bikers drinking there. Perfect for me at nineteen years old. I was in heaven!
I first met Kev there, serving him bottles of Newcastle Brown. He was seeing another girl then. Another girl who was a few years younger than me and very attractive.
I would write something bitchy but I actually really liked her so I can't.
I was a bit jealous of her though as the first time I met Kev I was smitten. Smitten. That's an old fashioned kind of word. Probably the wrong word. It was more like 'I fell in lust'.
Kev with his long hair, wearing a cut-off and riggies (remember them John G?)
That look really 'did it' for me but it's just a dim and distant memory.
Now Kev is a respectable company director with a wife, kids and an mpv. Still has all his bikes though.....and his riggies are probably rotting away up in the loft somewhere!
So.......let's have another look......
THINGS I'VE DONE
- Left school with just four '0' levels worth mentioning. (oh, the shame!)
- Y.T.S.-Artwork assistant. Learned to design and prepare artwork, cut and paste (by hand, not with a computer!)
- Artwork assistant for a printing company. Learned to prepare artwork, use a big camera, dark room etc, preparing plates for printing machines.
- Part-time shop assistant. Dull!!!
- Barmaid. Fab!!!!
- Bordereaux assistant.
- Had some kids.
- Care worker. Had to leave when pregnant with Izzy. An attempted strangulation (by a client, not me) and having tv. sets hurled at you when pregnant is a bit dodgy!
- Had some more kids.
THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO DO BUT CAN'T
- Writer. Only seem to be able to write about myself and/or my family due to my being at home with kids for so long. Write things as they are in my mind which is a bit too hap-hazard and cluttered for books and the like. Grammar not up to scratch, etc, etc...
- Midwife. Would love to do this but my brain is unable to cope with the study needed to qualify.
- Tv. personality/presenter. No good at fake smiles or being really nice to people I don't like. Can't act...didn't even do drama at school.
- Nurse. Poorly people start to annoy me after about ten minutes. The only illness I seem to be able to cope with is mental illness. (Both mine and others)
- Hairdresser. Too old/not trendy enough. Obviously too old as I used the word trendy!
- Counsellor. Too outspoken.
- Chef/Cook. Good cook but my presentation would let me down when under pressure. Meals served up in our house look a bit too abstract if I'm rushing too much!
- Supermodel. Too old, too fat, too short, not photogenic, not pretty enough, can't walk in high heels, etc,etc,etc.
THINGS I COULD DO BUT DON'T WANT TO
- Carer. (for the mentally challenged) Although I sometimes miss some of the old 'clients', I'm not sure I could deal with the stress now. My kids give me enough to stress about!
- Barmaid. Not young/trendy enough.....the alternative being a Bet Lynch/Liz from Coronation Street type of barmaid which I'm not quite old enough for yet!
- School dinner lady. Don't particularly like other peoples kids.
- Shop assistant. Don't particularly like alot of the general public, especially those incapable of saying please and thankyou. I would be sarcastic and get the sack.
Now I realise that it's still three years before I will be able to join the workforce but even then it will have to fit in with school etc. By the time all my children have left school (2022 ish) and I am free to find full-time employment or 'find myself' (whatever that means), I will have been raising kids for THIRTY TWO years and I will be FIFTY FIVE!!!!!!
Bloody hell.
